My life is full of some pretty amazing stuff right now. Amazing, terrifying, unimaginable, promising, unbelievable. Life changing cannot even touch it. It’s indescribable. Freedom. The future and the unknown can be pretty frightening, at least for me.
But I do know this, that this is all good.
And I will take whatever comes my way and keep moving forward, and not look back. Unforgettable.
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So, things have been a little busy and hectic for us these last few months – BUT THANK THE GOOD LORD, we are almost through it!! Hallefreakinglujah. Just a brief-as-I-can-make-it overview of our Spring of 2012:
– Oh hey, today is day 61 before your lease is up, and we know we told you a couple months ago that you are good to renew your condo lease another year, but really we lied about that. We need you to move in less than 8 weeks, because we are short-selling the condo. Also, please let us come in and out of it with a realtor and maybe, can we let people in whenever they please? (UH NO, is what I said to that one…) Long story short, we scrambled, I freaked out a little bit, and we looked for places to live. We wanted to stay in Uptown, which is a little stressful when things like $$ and time are involved — BUT WE GOT SUPER LUCKY and found a place 4 weeks before we were supposed to be out – guy loved us and asked us to be his tenants about 5 minutes after meeting us. The new place is a million times better than the old condo – so hah! We win jerks!! It’s one story – which means I do not have to follow the little sugar everywhere to make sure she’s safe and our living room no longer looks like a daycare center. There are no hideous built-ins anywhere. We have hardwood floors. And our patio is so pretty and shaded with trees…the mosquito infestation is another story. We love it. It’s our home and it actually feels like it this time around. Soon, we’ll have it looking like the Pottery Barn on a Budget/New England Cottage/Homey abode we envision. This dreamy room is perfect…we’ll get there one day:
– Two days after learning that we were being thrown onto the streets, our absolutely wonderful amazing nanny told me she was moving. Devastation. She watched my baby girl for the past 8 months and was so incredibly perfect for us, I couldn’t imagine not having her. She loved my daughter like her own two kiddos, taught her, cared for her, and also, helped me grow as a mother. So, ummm, we were just going to have to move next door to her because I could not cope with losing her. Not really, but that did cross my mind, because she is that awesome! She convinced me that it might be time for my little girl to try school out – GASP! WHAT, NO WAY!!!!!!! NEVER EVER WILL I USE A PRESCHOOL AND CONTINUE TO NOT FACE MY FEARS! NEVER – and my therapist also worked me up to finally being able to deal with my crazy completely paranoid unfounded mommy fears. It was a tough transition – first off, I felt like some rich Manhattan mom fighting to get my daughter into any half-acceptable school that would take her within a 15 mile radius, except I’m poor and I live in Dallas. They aren’t lying when they say you have to start working on school when the kid’s in the womb. SERIOUSLY, it’s craziness. My mom watched her for a month – thankgoodnessforthat, because we were broke as hell with all of this happening at once. We tried someone for 3 days – we’ll just say it didn’t work out and the idea of leaving her with a stranger freaked me out even more. Literally one day before I was out of child care options, and couldn’t bring her up to my office every day, we got word that there was an opening in a great preschool in Downtown. Hooray! I thought we were broke by that point, but nope, I wasn’t aware that we could become more broke. All I know is that God takes care of us, even when we think we can’t take much more or make it work another second. Whew, thanks for that, God!!
– In the midst of this drama, we both went on separate trips to NYC that were already planned. Talk about budget travel. Thank goodness it’s amazing there even if you just eat hotdogs from the street vendors and roam the streets. I have a feeling our trips were a bit different: I took my mother and it involved Central Park, walking through Soho, dinner in Little Italy, a stroll on the Hi-Line and other pleasant things. He took his brother and I’m pretty sure it involved sushi+sake, a lot of visits to places that may or may not have served them a large quantity of adult drinkies, a Yankee game and 4am rambling text messages. It was good times for all.
– During our move, I learned that I am a hoarder and I should have been put on that TV show. Or Intervention, either one. HOLY CRAP, why in the world was I going through bags of mail from 8 years ago. WHY??! I’m happy to say that it most definitely was a cleansing process both physically as well as mentally, and I am pretty much healed now. After an embarrasing number of ginormous bags of trash, and 7 or so bags of donated stuff and clothes. It felt so wonderful to get rid of all of the stuff, that I’m still going through our new home and clearing things out. Talk about issues. Geez.
– In mid-March, before the explosion of our what we thought was a comfortable, happy life, I decided to become a Merchandiser for Chloe + Isabel jewelry. I’m still working on this, as I was pretty much preoccupied the first 3 months of this new venture, but I’m PRETTY EXCITED about it! I get to sell pretty jewelry and have parties – yes please. More about this on the next post…
There we have it. Not brief at all. Until then, I leave you with this. It sums up my Spring of 2012 – I was forced (and forced myself) to get outside of my comfort zone. A place that I {pseudo}love so much, a place that feels safe to me, where I don’t have to worry about something going wrong or me not doing something perfect. It’s also a place where all of those things still happen ~ worries, imperfection ~ and where I am not allowed to grow – as a mother, a girlfriend, an individual – where I hold back, afraid of the unknown, and afraid to be hurt or thrown into scary situations. And man am I happy that I stepped out a little and let go – we are living in a home that we actually love, in the process of turning it into a place that we enjoy, my little girl is going to a preschool and doing beautifully, I’m free from stress involved with both of the two previous issues, and I’m working to go in a new direction with work. (Oh, and the mister – he was like “oh we got this, we’re good” the whole time…I hate him because he’s always right and doesn’t freak out like a crazy person!) I’m learning to be more confident in myself, open up some, and to not be so afraid of the unknown. All because a couple wrenches were thrown into our year. I am so excited.
Lovely Little Inspiration 